Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A Swift Lesson in Slow Speech

Color me nitpicky, but here I go (read am), complaining about the trivial once again. I was thinking about blog posts early this morning and decided that I'm going to go ahead and get all my deepest peeves, grievances, and stupidities (on my part) out into the blogosphere now. The way I figure it, I can say whatever I want now, while nobody's reading it. By the time I actually develop a readership, the controversial (and the stupid) will be so far back in the archives that no one will ever know that I wrote it.

It sounds like a perfect plan to me, regardless of the fact that I came to my blog after making the plan and found that Friar had been here. That's okay, though, it's not like he'll be back; nobody ever comes back. :^)

So here's my first salvo, aimed at a certain songstress in particular, and recording artists in general. No names will be mentioned (well, not really) because those who know who I'm talking about know (and might get mad at me) and those who don't know won't care. Like my blend of writing like no one is going to read and writing like I'm talking to an audience? See, I'm reading. Here is a prime example of cyber-multi-persona disorder.

Back on track: Songwriters, creative use of language is fine; it's totally supercalifragilisticespialadocious (funny, my spell check didn't go crazy with little red squiggles). However, if you're going to use the English language, use the language in English, please. Case in point, folks on the phone might TALK...REAL...SLOW if one or both parties doesn't have a firm grip on the English language. On the other hand, if I'm on the phone late at night and I don't want my parents to find out, I'd probably talk real low. You know, so no one would hear me...but maybe that's just me.

I'm not a hater, and not just picking on this singer; she just happened to be on my TV first thing this morning and became the target of my rant. I've given up on rappers, but I have not yet lost hope for performers in other genres. Songwriters, please, hear me! Stretch or fudge a syllable if you need to in order to keep your rhyme or beat -- I'm all for creativity. If using English correctly won't change your art, then please, please, please, use English correctly.

I many syllables does umbrella really need?


Anonymous said...

Ohh...come on. Tell us the name of the singer you ranted about.

Heck, I do it all the time on my Blog.

Paris Hilton, Gordon Ramsay, Celine Dion, Seniors...even Rocket Robin Hood and Asshole Squirrels. I've taken pot shots at them all!

PS. Fooled ya, didn't I? I came back !

- Friar

Fooled ya! I did come back!

Chief Cook & Bottle Washer said...

Friar! You're here! Well,'s one time I don't mind being made a liar. :^) You're just full of surprises.

I don't have a problem giving you her name (if you seriously don't already know). Sometimes I just "talk" for effect. Here she is in all her glory, talkin' real slow. Ladies and gents, Miss Taylor Swift...